Okay okay, I know wind is useful when it comes to flying kites and sailing boats and such, but if you would just bear with me for this post, perhaps I can convince you to side with me in my great distaste for this weather phenomenon.
5. On the nights when you are most exhausted and can’t wait to fall asleep, wind will come and howl at your window like a screaming banshee, its shrieks rising in volume every time you are about to enter a REM cycle, until your eyes are frozen wide-open in terror for the remainder of the night.
4. Wind always tries to mess with a perfectly good game of sand volleyball. Get into position to pass a tough float serve, and wind will pick up the ball and throw it into your face, whispering, “Pass THAT.” Try to give your partner a nice high set in front of you so they can hit successfully, and wind will grab the ball and carry it back over your head before dropping it nicely on the ground behind you. “Hit THAT.” I will admit that while it is extremely annoying to play in such conditions, it is quite entertaining to observe.
3. If you decide to shoot off rockets in a field with your grandparents, wind will snatch your only rocket by its parachute and waft it away. It will start slowly, tricking you into thinking you might be able to run fast enough to retrieve the stolen goods. But just as you reach it, wind will jerk it above your head and carry it higher and higher, until it is small enough for you to lose all hope, but just visible enough for wind to be able to taunt you with the image for hours before ultimately depositing it in someone’s tree or pool or chimney miles away.
2. I find it difficult enough to walk in a straight line as it is, but add wind to the equation and things just get embarrassing. I swerve and stumble back and forth across the street or sidewalk, bumping into strangers as I try to regain balance. And when I try to apologize for my seemingly disorderly conduct, wind blows my words right back down my throat.
1. Don’t even bother straightening or curling your hair or wearing your new sun-dress on that one day you have a strange desire to dress-up for school. It guarantees that the wind that day will be strong enough to topple sapling trees, just like washing your car ensures that it will rain within 24 hours. You will end up flashing people on your way to class and arrive with half of your hair covering your face and in gnarly knots. Don’t do it.
To be fair, I must also mention the one time I actually felt an appreciation for wind. It happened when I was at a church camp in middle school. I was with a group of teenagers and a few counselors, at the top of a hill covered with snow and pine trees. One of the counselors had just finished leading a devotion, and invited us to close our eyes and just listen for God to make us aware of his presence with us. As soon as I shut my eyes, a strong wind came rushing across the hilltop, rattling the pines, playing with my hair, dusting my face with snow. Verses from the Bible came to my mind: the Holy Spirit arriving as a rushing wind in Acts 2:2; Ecclesiastes 11:5 describing God’s works as being mysterious as the wind, and John 3:8 which says, “The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.” It was the first time in my life that I felt a physical reminder of God’s presence, and for just that moment, I thought maybe wind wasn’t such a terrible thing after all.
(Originally posted 1/30/13)