Life According to Family Group Texts

Much of my writing is an attempt to capture moments of extraordinary hilarity in an ordinary life.  Nowadays, my job is made easier thanks to our running family group text, where the unpredictable musings of my parents and three siblings are conveniently recorded for me to publish at my leisure.  Take that, technology-haters.

And now, I offer you a glimpse into the life of our six-member family, as told by our text messages.

The Cast of Characters: Dad (aka Daddy-O), Mom (aka Mamacita), Kayla (21, aka KK!), Evan (15, aka Evan the Coolest), and Erica (15, aka Erica Darling)

Boredom At Its Finest

IMG_2081       IMG_2082

“Oh you know, just experimenting with the Droste effect.”


She never even gave me a chance to guess…

Dad Tells It Like It Is


Hey, at least he’s self-aware. (For the story behind my bad pinky finger, click here. For my father’s history of queasiness, click here.)


I guess that answers my question… Thanks, Dad!

The Netflix Saga


The day I learned my brother was just using me to sponsor his internet-video-streaming habits.



IOS 8 Predictive Text Shenanigans



If you just keep clicking the suggestions for your next word, you too can produce messages like these!  At first they seem meaningless, but after five or six readings you can see the clear link to postmodernism and chaos theory…

Define “DTR”?



You have to give them points for creativity!

Comment below with your best family text message moments! I can’t be the only one with such a treasure trove of material.

Until next time,



2 thoughts on “Life According to Family Group Texts

  1. RE: Your dad’s queasiness- Ok, so I don’t remember this making me feel faint or queasy, but I definitely had myself freaked out as a teen when I obsessed over the indentation in the front of my jaw bone in my chin. I was pretty sure my jaw was disintegrating, especially when I found two more on the jaw line on either side below each ear. Yup, I’m pretty sure obsessing runs in the family.

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