For My Next Trick, I Will Interpret My Own Dreams!

I hereby certify that I did indeed dream each of these dreams and I have not taken creative license in recording the details/events therein.

Dream #1: A dear friend informed me that after taking a blood sample, she had discovered 3x the normal amount of protein in my blood, most likely due to my excessive consumption of beef jerky.  Later in the same dream, I realized I had an intense craving for pancakes from Snooze: An A.M. Eatery.  It was 4pm, but I went anyway and was served strawberries, broccoli, and celery as appetizers before my pancakes were brought out.  Waiting for said pancakes made me late for volleyball practice.

Interpretation: Strange food cravings indicate subject is pregnant has succumbed to Starving Athlete Syndrome (SAS) and should increase daily food intake from four meals to six.

Dream #2: I discovered that my family had a total of six bottles of honey scattered around the house; some were half-empty and others only had a drop or two of honey left inside.  I proceeded to freak out and then painstakingly transfer honey from bottle to bottle until we were left with two full bottles of honey.

Interpretation: Subject has been suppressing early signs of obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Dream #3: I was on a guided tour of a movie set where I got to meet each and every member of the production team.  However, it was a Batman movie, so he was all I really cared about.  I finally spotted him and tackled him to the ground in my excitement, but he shushed me because suddenly we were in a video game and he was on the lookout for “The Enemy.”  Someone was kidnapped and taken to a grocery store (gasp!!) I grabbed Batman’s hand and pulled him up when he fell off a cliff.  We saved the day.

Interpretation: Subject has delusions of grandeur and also exhibits a real soft spot for Christian Bale.

Dream #4: There was an awesome Halloween bash with a HUGE display that utilized the sky by projecting a graphic onto it that highlighted all the constellations.  The spectacle also included animatronics of evil Disney step mothers, witches, cats, ghosts, vampires, etc., and every three minutes a cloud of large skull “bubbles” would descend on those watching.  They frightened me, so I hid behind my younger sister.

Interpretation: Subject is fascinated by Halloween and yet also repelled by it – must explore further.  Is also a scaredy-cat.

Dream #5: I was biking back to my neighborhood, but as soon as I hit a familiar three-stop-sign T-intersection, there were suddenly hordes of people EVERYWHERE.  They were all dressed in band uniforms, and they were rehearsing for something.  There were archers, judo practitioners, shotput throwers, marching band members with their instruments, dancers, high-kickers…everything imaginable.  I struggled to make my way through the crowd on my bike, and that’s when I discovered what they were rehearsing for: the International Dustbusters Competition.

Interpretation: I give up…


Challenge: If you’re brave enough, comment below with one of your oddest dreams, and I will offer an amateur yet informed interpretation. Go on, I dare you.

(Image: Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh)